Aren’t we all sometimes dreaming about the ideal parenting hack to make our lives easier? The internet is filled with blog posts featuring tricks and hacks that promise a smoother life with your children – and here comes yet another one.

It’s actually quite ironic to write a post titled with such a Pinterest-worthy headline, as I am a harsh critic of all these “hacks”. Children are, after all, human beings and not computer software that needs to be “hacked” to function properly. This is also the reason why I want to reiterate that these habits have made it easier for ME. There is no telling they will work for your family system or kids. Every family is different, and so is every kid AND parent.

With this preface, let’s come to the part you for which you presumably started reading this blog post – the life-changing habits you’ve been waiting to implement.

Habit 1: Do Few Things But Do Them Well

Mum’s group on Thursday, Playgroup on Wednesday, Playground on Monday, and we have to squeeze in the aunties and grandparents somehow as well…

A week can be alarmingly short when you have a life with kids going on. Household needs doing, planning meals, doctor’s appointments, the list goes on.

One of the things I do to make parenting much more enjoyable and easier for me is to set priorities as well as boundaries (for myself and everyone else). Considerably slimming down the week regarding activities and people to visit helps to focus on down-time and the things I really want to get done (even if it’s just the household).

Especially when I just had one kid, I was terrible at setting boundaries. I would drive around like a maniac to make sure everyone got the fill of the child. As my son rolled around and became part of our family, everything changed (who has two or more children knows, the work doesn’t just double but becomes ten-fold). I let people know they have to come and visit us, rather than us going somewhere, as it’s also much easier to have the kids entertained in our house (unless the other party also has small kids).

Of course now and then it’s important to get out of the house, but I usually reserve these privileges for people where I actually enjoy the time there and am not stressed about my kids breaking anything or getting bored.

I have also slimmed down relationships and friendships. When I first became a mum, I reached out to many groups and made many connections, but they have considerably dwindled over the past years and now I have a few really good mum friends where I really enjoy the play dates – and it is those mums who I prioritise in my weekly planning.

Habit 2: Organisation Is the Mother of Sanity

Heads-up, I’m really bad at organising, but since becoming a mum I’ve had to pull my shit together. I used to roll my eyes at all these platitudes like “a minute of organisation is an hour saved” or something like that – but the sad truth is, it is actually true.

Organisation starts in the evening at my house. Every evening (OK, not every evening, but most…) I straighten up to some extent, and if I don’t, I know it the next day and the start is very rocky (I mean beyond the rockiness of having to get two little kids dressed, teeth-brushed and fed whilst trying to get myself dressed, teeth-brushed and fed).

I would love to be one of those mums who get up an hour earlier than my kids, but it hardly ever happens. There is a two in three chance that my son will just wake up with me and then I didn’t get enough sleep, HE didn’t get enough sleep and everything is fucked from the get-go. On the rare moments, however, where I manage to do it – absolute bliss!

On really on-fire days where I appear to be super-mum, I also straighten the kids’ room in the evening and set up new activities for them to find the next morning, so they will ease into independent play and give me time to myself (to, for example, dress, brush my teeth and feed myself).

Lastly, I also sit down with my husband on most Sundays to talk through the week to know what’s going on, appointments, home office days, etc. It just takes the edge of my anxious brain that I won’t forget any appointments.

Habit 3: Have A Meal Plan

Organising my day is, however, not the most important part of my organisation – the three-week meal-plan is. Now, what’s a three-week meal plan you might ask (even though it kind of says it in the title). I don’t like cooking very much – especially the entire conundrum about it: thinking what to cook, going shopping, searching for items in the fridge, etc. So I devised a three-week meal plan where I cook the same recipes in a three-week rota. I always know what to shop, I know what I need, and I can pre-cook as much as possible. This plan has really helped me cook healthier, more wholesome food without the stress I experienced before.

Dishes I’ve had on my past meal-plans include:

• salmon-spinach pasta
• wraps with chicken
• pasta salad
• potato casserole
• chicken steaks with potato wedges
• fish fingers
• toast/sandwich variations
• pasta variations (pomodoro, eggs and cream cheese, tuna, etc.)
• sweet dishes like scrambled pancakes, pancakes, sweet Austrian dumplings and

Habit 4: Just Say Yes

Some parents who visit our home are surprised that I don’t follow my children to the playroom. While the kids are off, we sit on the sofa with our cups of teas and chat, the kids playing without supervision.

For me as an Austrian Montessori-raised mum, the notion to constantly watch your children is both ridiculous and extremely surprising. How can you get anything done if you constantly watch your kids? However, visiting homes from other people (no judgement), I realised that some people have furnished their homes in a way that doesn’t invite play and is quite dangerous (glass displays, valuable items in reachable places, etc.)

The number one thing to ensure a smoother and more enjoyable parenting experience – especially in the home – is creating a “yes environment”. In our home, there are no “adult-only” zones, it’s the kids’ home and they can use it as well. If you have an adult-only zone, that’s fine, but then clearly lock it up. Our kids can exist outside the playroom and I really enjoy seeing my almost two-year old son toddling around, slowly getting the hang of the flat as he assembles ingredients for whatever project he’s doing right now (it almost exclusively has something to do with trucks or tractors and putting items in trailers).

The kids know where to get healthy snacks, how to get water, where to wash their hands, and they can play in the kitchen, living room, bedroom, etc. They can also take out my books and read them or look at photo albums. When they do something they shouldn’t, like drawing in my books, I gently remind them they can’t do that with these books and give them paper. This way I can chill on the sofa with a book and a cup of tea while they explore their home.

Habit 5: Is This the Hill I Want to Die On?

Recently my daughter wanted to go to the shop in her pyjamas. They are cuddly Elsa pyjamas with a fleece fabric and she loves them. Out of habit, I said, “No, we have to get dressed to leave the house” to which she said with the wisdom of a three-year-old: “Why?”

Yup, got me there. I realised there wasn’t a valid reason for her to get into “proper” clothes. Especially as my daughter’s wardrobe mainly consists of soft leggings and T-shirts – so why on Earth would she know the difference between her cosy pyjamas and cosy leggings?

Also, what would happen? Did I expect someone coming to me and saying: “That’s so embarrassing that your child is still wearing a fleece overall when going to the shops!” And even if so, that person would be a dick. No one shames a three-year-old for her fierce fashion choices. No one.

Sometimes we reiterate a rule that exists because…well, it exists. To be honest, nowadays I see teens wandering about in clothes where I’m not sure if they ever made it out of THEIR pyjamas (presumably because they had such slacker mums as I am). The point is, is making her wear “proper” clothes worth fighting over. And it simply wasn’t.

As a parent, you have to choose your battles wisely – for example, if she’d wanted to leave the house naked, I’d have to have insisted she wear clothes, but it wasn’t a problem in this moment. Reflecting on why you think something has to be that way now is a major part in becoming a more relaxed parent. More often than not, you will realise that there actually ISN’T a good reason to say no.

Sometimes we say no because we don’t want to – and then we should openly say that. I’ve had instances with my children where I honestly said, “I don’t want to play that right now, but we can read a book together or listen to a Tonie”, or “I don’t feel comfortable letting you out in the garden when I have to be in the bathroom at the other side of the house”.

Habit 6: Choose One “Mum” for the Day

I recently found a wonderful post on social media but when I sat down to write this blog post, I sadly couldn’t find it anymore. It said something along the lines of: “As a mum you can be productive, fun or relaxed – but you can’t be all at the same time.

This resonated deeply with me. More often than not I have guilt emerging in the evenings (mum guilt, am I right), thinking: “I didn’t spend enough time with the kids”, “I didn’t do enough household”, “I didn’t do enough for myself”.

This helped me determine which days work best for which kind of mum. There are days where my kids easily slide into activities and we have some sort of parallel play – they play while I clean or work (like today). I also find that having one day where I do most of the household of the week (like the deep-clean shit) works better for me than sprinkle it over many days where I feel unproductive afterwards.

After such a cleaning day, the next day is dedicated to play and fun, where I really take time to engage with the kids and their play. And on the next, we read plenty of books, listen to music or Tonies and relax.

Now, it doesn’t work beautifully in a 1, 2, 3 kind of way, I have to feel out the day and see if both I and the kids are up for a productive, fun or relaxed day, and then I assimilate accordingly. Trying to be productive when your child is having a clingy day is just frustrating and fruitless.

Habit 7: Incorporate, Incorporate, Incorporate

I sometimes get asked how I get anything done with my kids around. The answer is: I don’t always do (see post above). However, instead of laying my kids off to get “shit done”, I try to incorporate them as much as possible to make household chores not only easier to do, but also more engaging for myself (slow living and all that shit).

My two-year old son can load and unload the dishwasher and washing machine, my three-year old folds her laundry (when she wants to, she’s not a freaking house-elf), and they love to bake and cook with me. This way I can be productive AND fun (again, see above) for once and they also learn to be part of the household team, and not to be constantly served by me.

Habit 8: Limit Screen Time

Wait what? Did you say “limit”? Are you insane?

Yup. I said limit. Now before you close the window and write me off as one of those mums shaming you for the occasional screen-time, don’t. Once more, this works for me, it might not work for you.

Lily is three years old now and she has “screen-time” once a week on a no-kindergarten day (usually Thursday or Friday). She can watch two episodes of a TV show or one short movie (so a total of one hour-ish). My two-year-old doesn’t watch TV at all except on the rare occasion a relative dies (you’ll find out in a minute).

What shocks me is how many parents are shocked when I tell them that. Comments like “how can you survive?” and “I would kill myself” and “but doesn’t include iPad time, right?” (Newsflash: she doesn’t have an iPad, no one in our family does) are the usual reaction – which I think is quite sad.

TV-watching per se isn’t bad – just as sugar isn’t bad. It’s the dose that does the trick. Screen-time limits given out from governments are all among the similar lines of, “the less the better” and about 5 minutes per age year of child. There is also a wealth of studies indicating that screen-time has many, many detrimental aspects to a growing brain, so it’s definitely worth to watch the intake.

But I don’t want to write about screen-time and whether it’s good or bad, but how limiting it helped my family. Lily was never one to watch a lot, but during two occurrences in the last year, she was exposed to a lot more screen-time than usual. In July last year, my brother-in-law tragically died in a motorcycle accident and in the wake of his death, dealing with grief and coming to terms, Lily and Finn were watching TV daily for about a week. Secondly, around Christmas time, we put the TV back in the living room to watch Christmas movies, and Lily watched almost every day for at least one hour.

On both occasions, the effect of watching more TV was instant. Lily wasn’t cooperative anymore, she was passive-aggressive, slept poorly and was in a horrid mood. After the Christmas break, I instantly went back to banning the TV and our days became so much smoother again.

I get that it seems easy at first to utilise the TV to get your kids out of the way – but to what end? Lily was “out of the way” for an hour, but then was so demanding that all time apparently gained was lost. Not watching TV every day makes her more cooperative and creative: she plays with her dolls, play dough or her morning basket for sometimes two hours at a time without needing much attention. I often get parents saying “Oh, you’re so lucky your child can entertain themselves”, but we worked hard on that from day one – also by refraining to put on the TV. By incorporating our children in our daily tasks, letting them listen to Tonies for down-time or using our beloved morning basket (if you’re wondering what that is, you can find the answer in a post coming up soon), we enjoy our family time much more – and then also enjoy when Thursday rolls around and we can all have a breather thanks to the TV.

Which habits did you introduce into your family life to make it run smoother? Let me know in the comment section 🙂

x, Anja

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