This blog post was originally published on June, 6th, 2020 on Floating the Boat

So, after I dropped the pregnancy announcement a few months back, I finally feel like writing more about it. I guess it lies in the nature of a person who’s lost plenty of trust in herself and the world (way to sound pessimistic) to expect the worst to happen, but I want to be positive. 

As you can clearly see I am very pregnant with only a few weeks to go until I can hold my precious baby in my arms. Pregnancy is a very strange and wonderful state to be in, and although I enjoy it thoroughly, it also terrifies me to think about all the things that could go wrong. Probably that’s also because you have, like, a million of tests and appointments to get through, almost as if you were fatally ill and not just having a baby. I feel by turning such a truly natural event into something so medical, we women tend to lose touch with our intuition and basic instincts, but I don’t want to sound too hippy-dippy – I am so truly grateful to live in times where the likelihood of me perishing in childbirth are marginally slim. 

But let’s not dwell on the medical stuff and focus on the beautiful things. Thankfully, I was lucky to have a quite easy pregnancy until now. No severe back pain, no swollen feet, no stretch marks (thank you, BiOil) and no nausea. As someone who got nauseous just looking at food even before I was pregnant, it came as somewhat of a surprise to see me struggle so little with nausea in the first trimester. I also didn’t have any weird cravings, apart from a short-lived fancy for “spinach crisps”, which, as far as my research goes, do not exist. The stereotypical craving for sauerkraut and pickles never emerged – thank heavens. 

Emotionally, I can say it’s been a bit more of a roller-coaster. As I suffer from endometriosis (and will write more about that story when I feel ready), there was a constant fear lurking in the corners of my mind that something may interfere with the pregnancy and make it more difficult, but I was blessed. Still, with a cocktail of hormones raging inside you, as well as all the new things happening with your body, it is unsurprising that your husband has to rock away your tears at night once or twice (a week ;-)). 

Now, with the birth inching closer, I feel exhilarated but also notice I am thinking about motherhood and have thoughts about whether I will be able to do it the way I plan, but I guess there is no real “preparation” for being a parent beforehand and you just make it up as you go along.