If there are to be some unanimously difficult topics surrounding childcare, I reckon it would be sleep; how other family members tend to sometimes interfere; and brushing your child’s teeth – at least I am yet to meet a parent who hasn’t complained about all the three above.

Brushing your child’s teeth can be a hard undertaking, often associated with stress and physical force we don’t want to do to our child, but simply feel helpless. There is also stress from outside, as we fear harsh judgement if our child’s teeth have tooth decay, aren’t straight or yellowish.

I’ve recently started my training to teach about dental hygiene in kindergartens and schools BUT I am not a dentist, so please see this as a little guide I have compiled from what I’ve learned in the past months, as well as my own experience with my children. These are personal recommendations and DO NOT replace the visit to a professional dentist.

When and how do we brush

Let’s start with the basics: Teeth should be brushed twice a day from the moment the first tooth breaks through. It can help to accustom the baby already to you putting something gently in their mouth earlier on, but it’s not a must. As soon as the first little tooth becomes visible, it’s important to brush it with a gentle brush made for babies, and tooth paste. Ensure that the amount of tooth paste is very little – for babies we’re talking about the size of a rice grain. That’s more than enough.

Considering you’re doing everything right, you’ve nailed the technique and your child still clenches their jaws every time you come near them with a toothbrush. What now? The 6 tips below might make it a little easier when it’s time to brush your child’s teeth again. Note that not all tips may be appropriate for all ages, but I am sure there is something to take away.

1. Make it clear for your child and yourself that brushing the teeth is a non-negotiable

Clarity is one of the most essential tools in parenting. Regardless which rules you impose or which guidelines your family follows, clarity is key. You have to know WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. This will make it much easier for you to understand your decisions and also defend them (to others and your children), as well as to make an exception under special circumstances. When you understand why you need to brush your child’s teeth twice a day from the beginning (for their health, for healthy habits as they grow up, for less money to invest later in life, to reduce potential diseases in the body, etc. etc.), it will be easier to enforce the rule gently but firmly.

Explain to your child (even if it is a baby) why you have to do it. But also, even more importantly, explain it to yourself. If you have the base for understanding that you’re doing this out of a place to protect your child, your following decisions will become much easier to take. Be clear and firm that brushing your child’s teeth is a non-negotiable.

Asserting this as a rule starts with how you phrase sentences. I sometimes catch my husband saying, “should we go and brush your teeth then?” Sometimes my daughter answers, “No, I don’t want to”, to which my husband says, “Well, but we have to.”

Don’t ask questions when the answer is a non-negotiable. Say, “We are now going to brush your teeth.” If you want to let them be part of the decision-making process (which I highly recommend when they are old enough), you can ask: “Do you want to brush your teeth first and then put on your pyjamas, or first put on your pyjamas and then brush your teeth?”

2. Let your child take agency

Taking up the last point of the previous tip, involving your child in the act of brushing teeth is very helpful. This makes it feel less forceful and intrusive to them. Brushing teeth is something very intimate. Most people I know aren’t too keen on going to the dentist, partly because of the vulnerability when you lie there, your mouth open, unable to speak.

With children, it’s the same. Engaging them in the process can make it a fun activity together, instead of something forced on them. Let them choose their own toothbrush (of they are old enough). As previously mentioned, let them choose WHEN to brush (not if), and ask them how they want to sit or lie while you brush their teeth.

Children’s teeth don’t have to be brushed in front of the bathroom mirror, like we do it. Take the toothbrush to bed, do it on the bathroom floor, it doesn’t matter. For a while, my daughter lay between my legs, her arms weighed down by my thighs (she thought that was funny). Her head in my lap, she was given a “spa treatment” as we called it. Maybe your child prefers to sit on your lap or lie in their bed already. Try out a few alternatives to your current routine.

3. Prioritise one row of teeth in the morning and the other in the evening

My two-year-old son is great when it comes to brushing his teeth. For about 15 seconds. At first, he opens his mouth wide, but very quickly his pudgy little hands will start interfering with the routine and he’ll start to close his mouth and swat my hand away.

One tip, especially for smaller children, is to focus on one row of teeth in the morning and the other one in the evening. When you get a solid good 15-20 seconds of cooperation out of your child and you can clean one row really neatly and then do your best with the second one, you at least will clean your child’s teeth meticulously once a day.

We often tend to start brushing at the same teeth, also for our own teeth, but usually tend to become sloppier towards the end. So it is a good idea to mix things up and start somewhere else to ensure we clean all the teeth equally – just make sure you clean all surfaces and don’t forget one.

4. Infuse the toothbrush and dental care with life

There were days where my heart would start to pound quickly when I thought about brushing my kids’ teeth. I already walked into the bathroom, clenched, ready to fight.

I get it, fighting your child to tooth and nail (pun intended) is no fun. However, if you come in braced for combat, your children will sense that and associate teeth-brushing with something awful.

Try it with a playful approach. Our daughter’s toothbrush is Mrs Toothbrush, and she gets very hungry for Critters in the morning and at night. We let Mrs Toothbrush talk to Lily and explain why she needs to clean her teeth – and could she PLEEEEAAASE have some of her Critters. Lily loves role play, and she has a great relationship with Mrs Toothbrush. Especially in the evenings (she’s a bit of a morning grump), they have long chats about her day and then Mrs Toothbrush gets her food.

Afterwards comes Mrs Toothbrush’s child “Flossie” to eat the rest of the Critters between Lily’s teeth. We floss her teeth once a day with the floss sticks, simply because it’s easier than the stringy floss – and also because she can do it herself first.

5. Play the Boob

There is nothing in the world small children relish more than their parents making mistakes and being able to correct them. Lean into that when it comes to your dental routine with your children. Sometimes when Lily doesn’t want to brush her teeth, I look at the toothbrush pensively and say, “Oh golly, now I’ve forgotten what we do with this? I think it’s for cleaning the sink” (and I pretend to clean the sink). She then usually bursts into laughter (as only three-year-olds can do) and shows me what to do with the toothbrush – and, voila, the toothbrush is in her mouth.

Sometimes I also let her brush my teeth, while I brush hers. Truth be told, it takes some skill to nail concentrating on their teeth while they molest your gums, but with time and practice, you’ll get it.

With Finn, the “boobing” is far less complex. I simply hold the toothbrush to his knee or other body part and start brushing. Then he giggles and puts it in his mouth.

6. When in doubt, try a video

I know, shocker. ME, saying you should show a video to your child. Listen, we recently had a phase where Finn just screamed bloody murder whenever we brushed his teeth. I was dreading it in the mornings and my husband and I were always trying to get the other one to do it. Problem was, afterwards he was so upset that he was clingy and weepy all morning. So I sometimes only brushed his teeth after getting Lily to kindergarten, but then sometimes forgot it.

One morning, I was alone with both kids, the night had been shit and I’d had enough. So I put on a tractor video on YouTube, and voila, for the first time in over a week I could properly brush his teeth with no drama. Instead of everyone being on edge and cranky in the morning, we were relaxed and happy and left the house with a smile.

Now he gets to watch a short video when we brush his teeth, but only in the mornings. He’s accepted it and is happy as a clam when morning comes round. You HAVE to brush your child’s teeth, so please do whatever it takes to make it convenient for you and your family. It is better to let your child watch a video and brush their teeth PROPERLY, than to stick to your guns and have a traumatised child who hates brushing their teeth, an overwhelmed, upset mama, and barely cleaned teeth.

If you thought you were a lazy mum doing so, just know, so am I 😉 I’m officially giving you permission to utilise a video to brush your child’s teeth, if necessary.

Resumé

How cooperative our children are varies vastly with their age, whether they are in a leap period, whether they’re teething, sick, etc. etc.

These tips might help you for a while and suddenly stop working – that’s normal. We have to try new things every few months, but the key for me is my own attitude. Whenever I try to use force or to simply “get it done”, I fail and it becomes a terrible experience for everyone.

While playing the boob, making the toothbrush talk or letting your child brush your teeth may take more time and patience, it is still preferable to daily anxiety when it comes to brushing your child’s teeth. However, if there are periods where you simply have to capitalise on your child screaming to get the brush in their mouth, please don’t feel disheartened. We all go through these phases, and as it famously says, This too shall pass.