After a much-needed summer hiatus – oh, how I struggled with the heat – there is plenty to write for the upcoming weeks. This summer was inasmuch special because it was the last summer of our dear Australian friends to live here in Austria with us – as I am writing this, they are somewhere in the air between Singapore and Melbourne.

There was a part in us that always knew they would return to Australia eventually, but it came rather suddenly and we were surprised how much bereavement we felt when it happened.

Friends leaving is always hard – but losing couple friends is even harder. The many complexities that have to weave together to create a magnificent concoction of equal likeability, humour and the general “just-getting-someone” are hard enough when you try to find a life partner, but try finding people that both you and your partner like, plus their kids liking your kids – it’s a near impossibility. Finding a couple where the women are friends and the men are friends, but ALSO the woman of one partnership being friends with the man of the OTHER partnership, and vice verse. Our kids being roughly the same age and playing TOGETHER beautifully all four of them…phew, I never thought we’d get to enjoy that, but we did.

And let me tell you, when it happens, it has a rare beauty to it, an effortlessness where everyone can be themselves, you get to shed all your shells and just have soooo much fun together. BBQs in the garden, animated chats in living rooms, talking politics, religion, philosophy, even preferred sex practices, nothing is off-limits.

Once you’ve had a foursome partnership like that (no swinging included, just to let you know), it’s really hard to let go of it. Sure, there is the internet and it doesn’t mean losing touch in this day and age, but the BBQ season is officially over.

This might sound over-the-top but I spent the day of their departure breaking out in involuntary crying fits, not only mourning the constant availability of four great people, but also these regular social get-togethers where I could just be myself, not wondering whether what I said was too much, too inappropriate, too “me”.

Our babies have known each other practically since birth, have grown up together, we saw each other bring our seconds into the world (not literally, we weren’t THAT close), we went through all the joy, hardship, big moments as parents together, bitching about it on Thursday afternoons, or leisurely Sundays.

One might say now: well, you can find new friends. And of course I can – and will. But with my children now being six and four, I find it much harder to make mum friends than when they were little. When you have a baby, you obviously stay for play dates – it becomes a social encounter more for the mums than the babies. However, when you’re children are inching out of toddler-dom and easing into childhood, your presence becomes increasingly unwanted by both the children and the hosting adults. I mean, you arranged a play date after all to have your child occupied and be able to catch up with the thousands of tasks you have to do, not to entertain an unknown person in your kitchen all afternoon.

In addition, when your kids are getting older, they have more of a say in who they want to hang out with. When they’ve been “forced friends” since babyhood, they just can’t escape each other – much like with siblings – but you can’t force your six-year-old to be friends with someone just because you like the mum, it’s just a bit harder…

Furthermore, there have been situations where we met couples without children, and while you can certainly be friends with people who do not have children, a family play date when you are the only family is a bit tricky. They just don’t get that you have to get up every two minutes, solve conflicts with your children, and are generally used to holding a single conversation over the course of four hours with permanently interrupting it, and then picking up an hour later.

On the other side, we have met people we generally liked who have kids, but their kids were…how do I say this delicately?…arseholes. Shouting, making a massive mess, being rude to my kids, or simply being unable to ease into any play with our kids – and that makes such an afternoon veeeeery long.

But there is a ray of hope: Lily is starting at a new school this autumn, a Montessori school in the city, and I hope to find like-minded people (couples!) there to fill the hole left behind. I mean, how hard can it be to find a couple where both have humour, are of an equal mindset, have well-parented kids and both my husband and I like them – oh, and our kids like each other, too. Should really be a walk in the park…